2008 Recap and 2009 Look Forward

To say I am glad to see 2008 go is an understatement.  It wasn’t the year’s fault, it was what happened throughout the year that was so difficult.  Death followed me throughout the year up until the end of the year.  In February my uncle,  my mom’s brother, died after a short battle with cancer.  My Mom, Dad and I drove to Little Rock for the funeral which was held in the middle of an ice storm.  I was so concerned about my Mom thinking how I would feel if my brother or sister had died, and feeling powerless to make her pain go away.  It was an awful feeling.  In March my Dad’s sister died after a long illness and we went to that funeral in another rain/ice storm.  That one wasn’t as difficult because she had been sick for so long, but my Dad seemed very sad and again I felt powerless to help.  I was just glad I was there with all the family and to support my Dad.  Then on June 20 I got the call I had been dreading for years telling me my dad had been killed in a tractor accident.  The fabric of my life was torn apart at that moment and it still feels damaged.  Again I felt powerless to help my Mom deal with any of it, and often I still do.  I never knew what losing my parent would feel like, and it felt like nothing I had prepared myself for.  I had never felt that sort of emotional pain in my life.  Even six months later there is still a dull pain and a listlessness that I can’t seem to get over.  Nothing really seems that important anymore, and sometimes it feels like there’s not much to live for, but those feelings pass and are less acute than they have been in the past.  One consolation during the loss of my Dad was the relationship my being sober for 11 years had allowed us to build.  When my Dad died there was no unfinished business, and when I spoke at his funeral about what a great Dad and husband and man he was, I made my final amends to him for our difficult relationship for all those years.  I’m back in therapy to help me figure out how to get over this and to work on some other things…issues…whatever…

Other events in 2008:
4 Sponsees went out, 2 came back in
I still have a job and I’m really happy about that
I became addicted to facebook and stopped using Myspace
I continued to train with my trainer although I haven’t changed my diet enough to show a lot of progress (see below)
I didn’t publish anything but at the end of the year I finally had another commentary recorded on KERA…hopefully I can continue that this year
I began improv again at Ad-Libs and did a couple of Standup gigs
Looking forward to 2009:
Continue therapy and figure out why I am the way I am 🙂
Commit to writing every day and try to write the book of essays I have been thinking of writing
Audition for the next play at Pocket Sandwich
Continue with Improv and work up a standup routine
Make demo tapes with nakita for our radio show
Stop looking around facebook and copping resentments at beautiful people! lol
Keep training and eating sane
Be nicer all around
Buy a house (condo?)
Be more organized…actually use the calendar function on the blackberry
Stop thinking outloud
here’s hoping 2009 will be better for everyone…and no more funerals

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